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Depression struggle

I had a really bad depression day yesterday. Luckily I was tired by 5pm and so I just went to bed hoping to sleep it off.

Well, after 13 hours sleep it’s moved from ‘really bad’ to just ‘bad’. In a way I’m happy it’s just moved that little. It’d be inexplicable if it just..... went - unless it’s bipolar, and I really don’t want that diagnosis as well. Your driving licence gets withdrawn with that.

I had originally planned to cook a pie yesterday and despite getting things together, I couldn’t motivate to get started. I really have to use the ingredients today or they’ll spoil.

I don’t feel like doing anything. It’s cold weather. I object to having the central heating on all day. So maybe doing the cooking is an idea to get active.

And then I go into long ‘discussions’ with myself about doing that. About everything. And then the depression gets worse.

One thing which is interesting though. Normally feeling this bad would result in thoughts of self harming. But I only have thoughts about what I can do to get better.

And then I’m back to ruminating.

Roll on 5pm ☹️

Pete
 
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