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How to help my girlfriend with relationship ending anxiety and mood swings?

CMJA81

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Hi and I hope this is ok to post. I’m trying to find ways to cope with a mental health related relationship breakdown and ways to help the woman I love :(

5 months ago I met my as I have to get used to calling her ex girlfriend. Started slowly, nice walks, getting to know each other with chatting by text, holding hands. All rather romantic and old fashioned for me!

Took a while for her to relax, lots of anxiety about covid etc, weeks before she would give me her number, but after a while we were Fb official as the kids say, and in what I thought was a loving happy relationship. I’d never been as happy, she said it felt different to with exes, that she felt secure and loved and more relaxed than in a very long time. It was lovely. Shared interests, even thought about buying a pony together..

She’d mentioned her anxiety was likely to be worse when she returned to work as a TA in September and her son returned to school, and for a while things were fine. Then almost out of the blue, it’s all gone. It’s like she’s flicked a switch in her head.

She says she can’t cope, can’t ever be with anyone, she loved me so much, but she’s a horrible person, she pushes people away and treats everyone horribly.

She’d mentioned before she carries a lot of guilt over leaving her ex partner, and I know she has had not very successful counselling in the past, and tells me she’s been to Drs who have doubled her anti depressants. She says she isn’t running from me it’s her own head, that nothing can change, that she can’t handle the pressure, and isn’t capable of ever loving someone 🙁

I try to give her space, try to reassure her that it’s a stage of depression and that she knows it will pass but she is completely cutting me out of her life and I’m heartbroken. I’m back on my anti depressants to try to keep a lid on my emotions but all I want to do is cuddle her and tell her I love her.

She’s said that in the past she’s repeatedly pushed partners away and then wanted them back, I’m just praying we get to that stage but at the moment it’s like talking to a wall and the woman of 3 weeks ago no longer exists or loves me.

So erm yes. Anyone else have experience of partners with what seems like bipolar/anxiety/depression and how to support her without her pushing me further away, as the thought of not seeing her ever again is unbearable.
 

Catsmother

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It sounds like your ex has issues with relationships.

It must really hard for you being in love with someone that pushes you away, all you can do is give her more space, I know that you have done so already. hopefully she will come round in time.

I am not a doctor but it sounds BPD to me, I have it and push people away all the time.
 

CMJA81

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It’s horrible. It was as if the person I love was replaced overnight by a cold woman I didn’t recognise. I don’t think she wants to feel this way and I don’t think she’s happy, but I don’t know how to show her I care without making her feel pressured and maybe driving her even further away. I miss her so terribly every minute.
 

CMJA81

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@Catsmother do you tend to regret it? She says she would push away her ex and then want him back. And that doing that isn’t fair and she’s horrible. But I just want her back 😢
 

Catsmother

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@Catsmother do you tend to regret it? She says she would push away her ex and then want him back. And that doing that isn’t fair and she’s horrible. But I just want her back 😢
Yeah I do regret it at times but in saying that I have been with my husband for many years. I tend to push away family and friends.
 

Catsmother

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Hopefully she will come around @CMJA81
 

CMJA81

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I hope so. Sorry to go on about it. I just really want to help and protect her. Love her to bits and it’s awful to see how low she was so suddenly and to feel as though I’ve lost her forever.
 

Catsmother

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Don't apologise as that is what the forum is for :)

I can see that you love her to bits, It must be very hard on you. Hopefully she comes round and realises how much you mean to her too :)
 

CMJA81

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My only glimmer of hope is that she hasn’t blocked every line of communication and when I have texted her a little she does reply, a day or 2 ago there were even glimpses of her sense of humour which is much much better than it was a fortnight ago.
But... I also know she’s been active on pof. Because I questioned her about it. She said she wasn’t looking for the next or a relationship, she was being selfish and wanting someone to talk to who isn’t me. Ie another man :(
And I find that very very hard not to be anxious about and assume she is with him now etc. 😢
 
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