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How to help my girlfriend with relationship ending anxiety and mood swings?


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Hi thought I’d update this a bit.

From the start of December things got really hard. She messaged asking if it was me who sent her the beautiful flowers. It wasn’t. I was upset. She blocked me and said look we both need to try to be happy. One would assume that was that :(

At Christmas I send her a friendly Christmas card. She began messaging again, slowly unblocked me on things and we were getting on really pretty well although obvs only as “friends”

Last week I had a distraught phone call.

Said she didn’t know where else to turn, she’d understand if I couldn’t listen, that I should hate her. She’d been on a date. And slept with him.

That felt like being punched I’ll admit.

She then googled him and found out that rather than the lies he had spun her, he is a convicted paedophile, has to sign the register indefinitely and has been to prison. I listened, reassured her, and helped her talk to the school she works in to get her reassurance she has done nothing wrong.

Weve spoken every day since. We both agree things have been very hard, that she’s treated me really badly. She said it was like her mind just flipped over night to where she believed the best thing was to get rid of me so she didn’t hurt me and be a let down etc. Again she said her default is to want to go on a dating site and take her mind off things.
I told her that if she did that, then it’s friendship over. Not to control her, but because she agreed that when I’d said she was vulnerable she was right, and sadly I’d been proved right. I have said that if she just wants to be friends I will try. That it comes with the condition that when she says she wants to get help with her health, she does. That I will support her in it, help her look for treatment of whatever kind (she’s now saying herself she thinks she may be bipolar BPD but darent look incase she is mad), but that I won’t just be picked up and put down and treated badly and yet always be there to listen and care.

She knows I love her, when she was so distraught my immediate reaction is to tell her I love her and she’s safe. We are talking, she’s not in a great place, and I don’t know how to keep moving forward to the point where we can actually hang out together (covid safe etc) and just get used to being around each other again even as friends. I wouldn’t apologise for loving her although she says she doesn’t deserve it.

And even she admitted her dog has really missed me.

Sorry for the long post and please don’t bombard me with “she’s toxic get rid” comments. I get enough of those from my friends. She’s made some bad choices, been lied to and basically used while she was vulnerable and she knows that. What matters to me is how I keep the momentum for her to get some help, without it seeming im pushing? And how to have her see one day that actually the supportive man who’s going to “have her back” was always here.


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October 18th
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All you can do is support her. hope eventually that you both get back together.